Behind Locked Doors
by WriterChloeEliz
Summary: After their parent's divorce, TK and Matt are separated. Years later, they're reunited. Over the course of a week, the two boys recover from their issues: Matt having been neglected by his alcoholic father, and TK being bullied, thus leading to a cutting habit. Together, they learn that sometimes the best healing method is to help someone you care about. *Child abuse self-harm.*
1. The Move

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Digimon nor do I claim to. This is purely fanmade and I am not making any profit off of it. I own nothing here except the storyline.

 **Authors Note:** One year later I am back. I decided to rewrite this whole story because over the past year I feel my writing has improved. I made a few alterations to the storyline as well, that way if I'm blessed enough to have any old readers come back they aren't completely bored. I hope you enjoy the revamped version of 'Behind Locked Doors.'

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 **Sunday, February 21.**

 **Matt**

The door slammed shut, and Matt's eyes sluggishly opened and he sat up. His eyes readjusting to the light, and he blinked a few times as he glanced around. His eyes rested on TK, he was sitting upright, and the light made it apparent he was on the brink of tears. He had his blanket pulled up to his nose. He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, guessing the sudden sound scared him. But he was interrupted.

"Where the hell have you been?" Matt's head turned to the door, then he glanced back at TK. His eyes were locked on the door too, a simple sentence stopping any thought either of them had in an instant. He looked down at his hands, his blanket curled in his them, showing no intent at letting go. He glanced back up as his father spoke.

"Calm down. It's nothing you should be concerned about," he mumbled. His speech was slurred, making it hard to comprehend what he was saying. He imagined that he shrugged, perhaps walked over to their bedroom, but he wouldn't know for sure. Nonetheless, he didn't feel the need to ask.

"Are you _drunk_?"

He didn't reply. Matts's head turned to TK's small voice crying into his blanket softly. Matt quietly got out of bed and walked over to the other corner of the room. TK looked up at him, and he reminded him of a small defenseless puppy. He sat down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. TK buried his head further into Matt's chest, his shoulders heaved with a few sobs.

"Are you drunk?" she repeated. She was losing her patience.

"So I went out with a couple of friends, big deal." He rolled his eyes, he was almost sure of it. Matt inwardly sighed, and tightened his grip on TK, shutting his eyes, thinking, maybe it would protect him from crying, breaking down in front of him, which was the last thing he wanted to do. He clung to his brother as if his life depended on it. Like that was the only thing that would get him through another late argument.

"It's _midnight_ , Hiroaki."

"I don't get what the big deal is."

He wanted to know what happened, what _was_ happening. He couldn't tell if this was going to be a big fight or not, and the anticipation was killing him. He straightened up and tapped TK's shoulder as he dragged himself off his bed. He kept his hand in his as TK looked at the ground, and reluctantly decided to follow. He sped up so he could cling to Matt's arm, knowing where they were going, and his stray tears fell down his cheeks.

Matt glanced down at the younger blonde, his eyes glued to the floor, a small act of trust established between the two, enough to where he knew Matt would lead him where they needed to go without running into something. Something so simple you don't think of it as trust, but then again, when you're as young as TK, most anyone would rely on their elders to help them.

"Can we ask this time?" he whispered. Matt stopped and shook his head. TK looked pleadingly into his eyes. Maybe he thought it would solve everything. But it wasn't that simple.

"No," Matt said with a bit more confidence. TK dropped his head, disappointed, and Matt sighed again. They quietly made their way to the door, which was already cracked open a bit. Matt pushed it a little so they could see what was going on. The kitchen was visible from where they were sitting, but they both doubted their parents would be able to see them. They sat down next to each other watching quietly as the fight played out.

Their dad was walking away, while it looked like their mom was contemplating whether or not to go after him. Matt could tell this would change the atmosphere of the fight. As of that moment, it was a small disagreement. It could escalate into a fight at any given moment.

She put down her pen- something Matt hadn't thought about. It was evident that she had been working on a report before their father had come back home. He glanced at the clock, 12:43. They were supposed to be asleep, and only then Matt wondered how TK was awake so fast. He wanted to ask but decided against it. For all he knew he had a nightmare, whatever it was, he would never know.

"The boys are asleep." Hiroaki turned to her. "For the fourth night in a row TK asked where his dad was, and again I didn't have an answer."

"I was at work, they go to bed at what, nine now?"

"Eight," Nancy corrected. Matt sighed, he still couldn't tell what was going to happen. He could tell his mother was tense, his father, well, he couldn't tell with him. "Matt used to ask, but he gave up a while ago, not that you care."

"Don't say that," he warned. Her back was to him, but he guessed she rolled her eyes. She shut the notebook she was working in, stood up and carried it with her.

"One day you're going to wake up and realize they've grown up, and you'll have missed it. I hope the bar is enough for you because at that point you'll have no relation with them." She walked past him, but he grabbed her wrist. TK jumped and wiped a few of his tears.

"Is that a threat?"

They didn't look at each other. Nancy looked at the floor while Hiroaki did the same. She shook her head and pulled her wrist free.

"No, the truth." Their father watched her, looking at the back of her head as she put a couple of things down on the counter in an attempt to clean it, despite the fact it was clean. She turned the faucet on and started washing dishes, and they remained silent. She tossed some sort of silverware down and it made a loud _clang_ as it hit the sink.

"God, this is so frustrating."

She made eye contact with Hiroaki and he rolled his eyes, Matt noted it seemed to be happening a lot. This wasn't an angry fight, he concluded. But a disagreement, a sharing of annoyance so to speak.

"Oh, please. So I went out a couple of days this week, big deal."

"No, you're damn distance!" She shut the sink off dried her hands and faced Hiroaki. She shook her head and walked past him. "You're a horrible father."

He slapped her. Everything froze for a few seconds. TK in an instant clung to Matt's shirt whimpering. He shook his head quickly and stood up lightly guiding TK back to his bed.

"Go," he whispered. TK shook his head refusing to let go of Matt. His cries getting a little louder. Matt hugged him and tried to quiet him, whispering comforting words he barely believed. Never, in his life would he imagined his father hitting his mother. He wanted to run out there and tell them to stop fighting. To just be happy. To make them make up like they made him and TK do when they fought. Didn't they know better? They already learned fighting was bad! Hitting lead grounding, weren't they role models? He didn't understand.

His voice shook with each word he spoke, and now he couldn't stop his tears.

"Get out," Nancy said.

"Excuse me?"

"I said get out."

TK broke from their hug and ran to the door. Matt quickly grabbed his arm pulling him back. "No, no, no, no, TK, no. Stay here." He turned around and sobbed into Matt's chest. "Go back to bed." He shook his head. "TK go back to bed."

"No," he choked out.

"Please, they'll be better in the morning, they only fight at night, go back to bed."

"I'm scared."

"What? Why?" Matt got down on knees so he could look him in the eye.

"What if daddy hurts us," he whispered. Matt froze as if his blood turned to ice. He shook his head quickly.

"He loves us he wouldn't-" TK cut him off.

"He says he loves mommy too."

He pulled TK into a hug. "Go to bed," he whispered into his ear. "It'll all be better in the morning, okay?"

"You're crying." TK looked into Matt's eyes. He smiled weakly.

"I won't be in the morning."

TK nodded and crawled into his bed. Matt wiped his tears and made his way to his bed. He faced the wall, and he couldn't bear to look at TK.

"Nancy, this is my house too!"

"Couldn't tell, you're never here." She paused, and Matt held his breath. "I want a divorce." The front door opened, and he buried his head into his pillow. Tears welled in his eyes and he heard TK rollover.

"Don't do this to the kids."

"It's too late for that."

 **Six Years Later**

 _Click_. Nothing.

 _Click_. Still nothing.

He sighed and rolled out his wrist. The bulb was dead again. Matt rested his back against the wall and glanced around the small unlit space. He let out a dry cough and sat there for a bit. He almost wanted to try again but decided against it. He grabbed his flashlight, stolen from the kitchen cabinet. He knew his father wouldn't notice it missing, he probably didn't remember it ever being there in the first place. He looked through his old school bag, rips were all over the bag, but tape covered a lot of them.

He zipped it back up and shut the flashlight off, he was then greeted by the darkness of the small room. He turned it on again, and off, and repeated this a few more times. He stood up and walked heel to toe around the room. Five by three. He was once again amused at how over time, the room got smaller, without actually changing sizes.

Matt sat down and shut the flashlight off again and looked at the pile of clothes in the corner. Three tee-shirts, two pairs of pants, and a few other unmentionables. Most at least one size too small. He looked at his backpack, his uniform folded and sat underneath it, staying as 'neat' as he could make it. Lucky enough he had a gym uniform, though most people complained about them, at least he had a few more clothes.

Laying down and resting his head on the small pile. It was Sunday, he found that out the last time he snuck out of the closet. He rolled onto his back, staring up into the abyss of darkness. He shut his eyes, he was so thirsty, and almost considered sneaking out _again_ , however, he quickly dismissed the thought.

His father was always so drunk he didn't consider the simple questions like bathroom breaks and dehydration. It didn't take him long to learn how to pick the lock, despite it locking from the outside. Problem was, he never knew when his father was home, and leaving was a huge risk. It became a last resort.

 _Sunday_. He thought. It meant it was a possibility of only one more day locked in here. Lucky for Matt, he did think about school. Most of the time. He missed a lot of days, but he made up for it. Not much to do when you're locked in a tiny room over the weekend. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. The less time he spent awake, the less time he felt the experience of being in that room. Hopefully, his father would be back soon, and a plus would be he remembered him too.

Just as he felt himself drifting off, a loud knock on the door woke him up. His eyes shot open and he bolted upright. His breathing immediately speeded up, coming out in short breaths. He waited, and they knocked again. He brought his knees to his chest, crying softly into them. He couldn't tell what was going on, and maybe the closet was a good thing for this particular situation.

He heard the door open, after hearing voices he couldn't quite understand. He bit his lip in an attempt to be as quiet as possible. They sounded like they were yelling. He shut his eyes feeling completely helpless. He had no idea what to do. He could pick the lock and make a run for it, but that would make too much noise, and not to mention the time it would take.

"Mathew?"

He perked up and looked at the closed door. It was an unfamiliar voice, undoubtedly a man, but besides that, all he could hear were doors opening and closing. And other people calling out for him. He cried softly to himself. Despite them telling him to meet them, he refused. Not that he could get out of there quickly anyway. There was a knock at the closet door, softer than the one at the front door. He froze. He didn't even notice he was pinching himself, and he didn't open his eyes until the light from the main room shone into the closet. He shakily turned his head towards the door and shrank back.

Before him stood a tall woman, he guessed in her mid-thirties. She had tan skin and short platinum blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, as well as dark brown eyes. She was wearing a police uniform but that didn't make him feel much safer. He blinked dumbly as a couple more officers walked up to her. She said something, but the words flew over his head.

"Matthew?" He winced and mustered up a little courage.

"What do you want?" he whispered. Another officer, around the same age, kneeled in front of him. Matt looked at his hands, one extended in front of him. It didn't seem threatening, but Matt nonetheless didn't trust him.

"My name is Daniel. I'm here to take you to your mother."

Shock. That's one word to describe everything. Matt now sat in his mother's car, in the back seat behind TK and his mother. In the past two hours he was brought out of his father's apartment, to the hospital, then released. Now, he was moving in with his mother? He glanced out the window, looking for some dream-like situation to prove he was making this up. No such luck. He had a small conversation with his mom, but TK, not a word. He wondered if they'd hate him for intruding on their lives, he was clearly 'unstable' as the doctor had put it.

"Keep an eye on him, just in case," she said. As if he wasn't sitting right next to them, listening to them talk like he was some psychopath, maybe he was. He spent a lot of time in a sort of solitary-confinement situation. He remembered when he had first looked at TK while he got into the car, realizing he had seen him a few times at school was shocking enough, but also seeing him _smile_ , it wasn't a truly happy smile though. He didn't know what it was, but he wasn't happy. He acted it, but he saw right through that. So, he didn't acknowledge it.

He inwardly sighed, TK was resting his head on the window, looking out it. It was clear he wasn't focused on anything, in particular, his eyes stayed straight. He saw him sigh and twirl a string in between his fingers. He wondered how much he had changed, when it first hit him he'd be seeing TK again, it didn't quite occur to him he wasn't a child anymore. He grew up, just like he had. He bawled his hands into fists and suddenly became aware he was staring at him.

He looked up as they pulled into an apartment building. It wasn't the same one they lived in before, they had moved. Not that he was surprised, but it caught him off guard. Matt didn't like change, he never did. This was supposed to be good, but it just seemed fake. This was the type of thing where everyone runs into each other's arms and hugged each other, smiling, laughing, and all sorts of happy things. He bit his lip, in a way, he kind of missed the comfort of the closet. At least there he knew nobody was judging him and he wasn't bothering anyone.

"Matt?"

He looked up, TK and his mom had gotten out of the car. He shrank back embarrassed, TK looked at him then looked away. Maybe he was about to say something then decided against it, and now he was contemplating it, Matt guessed. He mumbled some type of apology, completely clueless on what to do during that specific moment. He got out of the car, quickly taking everything in. The building was nothing special, and he felt he was crossing into foreign lands. He looked around, then at his mother, who smiled softly and motioned for him to follow her. He spent time analyzing the area, it was a lot like his apartment- _old_ apartment, he corrected. But he felt the need to shake his head.

He rubbed his finger against the bandage that had put on his arm. Then, he sighed. Aloud for once. Nobody noticed as far as he could tell, and he got the sudden urge to cry. This was all going too fast! There was too much to think about, to remember, to just- notice. He couldn't read TK and his mom very well, he couldn't tell what they were thinking. He bit his lip, which was quivering. He decided there was too much to take in to continue looking around, he defaulted to the floor. He stopped when he saw TK stop, and he glanced up. _421_. His mom opened the door and held it open, he heard TK say a small thank you, and he stood outside the door.

"Come on, bud."

He made eye contact with his mom, then meekly nodded. He didn't want to argue, he was too scared. She shut the door behind and there was a tense atmosphere for a solid couple of seconds until she started to lead Matt down the hall. He didn't have to look behind him to know TK was watching him. He just knew. She opened another door and motioned for Matt to step inside. And so he did, he knew better than to question an adult.

He glanced up, it was a medium-sized room, he estimated eleven by fourteen- his feet, not an actual foot- he was probably off, but he didn't care all that much. It had pale blue walls and a white carpet. Taking another look, there was a wooden dresser with a lamp sitting on it. There was a bed in the corner too, forest green covers sat on top of it. _TK's room_ , he concluded. It didn't have much in it, but Matt didn't think about that. It was surprisingly neat too. Neater than the closet was, Matt shook the image out of his mind.

"We switched apartments again a few years ago." Matt turned to his mom who was still in the doorway. She shrugged. "I wanted to be prepared, a bigger apartment cost more but it was worth it."

He opened his mouth to ask what she meant, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. She walked over to him and he flinched as she tried to hug him, an immediate sense of guilt painted her face, and Matt felt like he had just stabbed her in the heart. She nodded.

"It's okay." She bent down to get on his level. "I want you to feel as welcome as possible, Matt. I wish I could have done more, but I couldn't. I understand that you don't trust me, and I just," she paused. Matt looked into her eyes which were adverted to the floor. Tears glistened in them, but they didn't fall. He bit his lip, _he_ was the cause of those tears. The room spun for a second, he couldn't make sense of what was happening. He felt like they both hated him for intruding- or something. But yet she looked _guilty_ for something that wasn't his fault. She stood up. "Tell me if you need anything, you should get some sleep, you look tired."

Matt finally got a hold of himself and whispered, "I don't understand."

"This is your room." He looked up at her, to see any sign that gave it away she was joking, but there was none that he could see. "Your father can't hurt you anymore, okay?" Her voice broke a little. Matt shook his head.

"I don't get it." He took a shaky breath. "It can't all be over just like that!"

Nancy nodded. "I know this is going to be hard. But it's going to be okay, I promise." Matt shook, tears slid down his cheeks. He wasn't sure why, maybe it was shock, confusion, he didn't feel happy, he used to _dream_ of this day! Now that it was here, he just didn't believe it. "Can I hug you?" she asked. Matt nodded, surprisingly wanting the comfort. He let himself cry into her arms as he tried to sort out all of his thoughts, but it was harder than that. When he thought he got an answer, something came and changed his mind.

He just felt lost and wasn't sure how to get back. He shut his eyes and tried to stop thinking for a minute, to just appreciate the fact that someone was caring for him, a _parent_ was caring for him. For once in a long time, he felt loved, and even if for a second it distracted him, that was enough.

 **TK**

 _Does a seat matter that much?_ he wondered. If he sat in the front, he felt that distanced him from Matt and would make him feel like he didn't want him to be close to him _or_ Nancy. He sighed, the same went for the backseat, then again he could sit next to him. He shook his head, deciding it would be weird if he switched seats, and his mom would ask. Someone knocked on the window, pulling him out of his thoughts.

His mom opened the door. "Sorry for the wait. Matt just got cleared so I'm going to go get him." TK nodded, words didn't need to be used there, so he didn't say anything. "See you soon." She waved and shut the door, TK felt the cool air rush into the car, a warm comfortable feeling was invaded quickly. Cold- but not too cold, _cool_ or _crisp_ would be better ways to describe it. He watched his mom walk away, he sighed.

For the past three hours, he had been trying to figure out the best way to make Matt feel welcome and comfortable as he came back without being over the top and mushy, and he wasn't sure how to do that. Maybe to just seem happy- which he was! But he was more anxious than anything, the last thing he wanted to do was cause a problem in his life, he had enough of those. He had already overcome enough of those, problems TK would never be able to compare to. He had high respect for anyone in Matt's situation, the amount of strength needed to pull through, he couldn't even imagine. And he felt bad, but he also knew nobody wanted pity, and he had to agree. When his mom explained what his father- _their_ father had done to him, he just couldn't find the right words to explain it. No matter how hard he tried.

He looked out the window, a bunch of stars dotted the sky, he smiled, remembering a vague memory of Matt saying stars were really big fireflies a couple of weeks before the family had split up. He believed that for years until his third-grade teacher laughed and told him that wasn't so. One of the only memories he had left of his brother didn't feel as magical anymore. Here's the thing about having an older sibling, even if they're only a year older. They're like an angel in a sense, they give you answers your parents won't, though not correct, they're childlike.

"How far away is the moon?" you could ask. Your parents would reply 'far' or 'go ask your father.' But a sibling, if you're lucky enough to have a strong bond with them, they'll come up with the real answer which would be surreal, or, they'll smile and say something like, "in a galaxy far, far, away."

Is it true? No. Not even close. But as a child, it _was_ real, no matter who told you otherwise. Because your older brother or sister said it, your hero in a sense. They were like this, magical beings that knew everything. Or at least, that's how TK had felt about Matt when they were younger. He was like a guardian, his parents were heroes to him too, but the fights he remembered, the lack of comfort he had felt then distanced him from them. He remembered a few times thunderstorms shook the earth, and it had been Matt who stayed up with him even when he had school the next day. He just wanted him to feel safe. Now, he wasn't sure who Matt was. Not that he had changed, maybe he did, maybe he didn't. He could come out with brown hair and a mohawk for all he knew. They were practically strangers, and TK didn't know how to react to that.

TK turned to the back door which had opened, and he luckily looked relatively the same so it wasn't like some weird imposter came by claiming to be his brother, and TK offered a small- awkward- smile but Matt didn't see. He looked back at the dashboard, and as Nancy sat down, he gave her a pleading look, a cry for help to fix his chronic inability to socialize. She playfully rolled her eyes as if to say, "you're on your own!" He pouted for a split second and then sighed, retreating to looking out the window. The car started up, and nobody spoke for the entire car ride.

He found a loose string on his sweater and pulled it out, twirling it in between his two fingers. He thought about problems in general, not his, not anyone else's, but the reactions to them. A question came to him, and try as he might he couldn't think of an answer. What made a problem significant or not? What made it a big issue? The majority of people with that problem? Then again, everyone struggles with small things _and_ big things- not that he could figure out how to sort them. A person's physical, or mental reaction? But everyone reacts to things differently.

Sometimes, he hated himself- well, his mind. And himself, but that wasn't the _big_ issue here- maybe they're judged on the impact on day-to-day life? Again, everyone reacts differently- then again, if you break your arm, it hurts all the same, but people _react_ to it differently. So maybe it wasn't the problem, but the _reaction_. Reasoning, to someone on the outside, it could mean nothing, about as much as dirt on the sidewalk to them, but to the person living that specific issue it's larger than life- or it's not. Then again, why on the news do people say "this is a big problem."

Maybe, it wasn't about every individual's outlook, but the impact it has on the majority. Would that mean an issue in a- family business isn't _really_ an issue because the vast majority doesn't care, or doesn't know about it? Did the use of the words 'big' and 'small' not matter when talking about a problem?

He balled his hand into a fist, why did this even matter? What was important right now was Matt's return. Not his stupid and weird analysis that he would never figure out, but also would never stop thinking about. He sighed, the most troublesome thought of the night creeping into his mind (not that he didn't think if it was even _worthy_ of being called troublesome.) Today was Sunday, meaning he had to go back to school tomorrow, meaning he had to face Trent and Aiden again. He used his thumb and tranced a cut underneath his heavy green sweater, he glanced down, a row of cuts- put there by none other than himself, stung with a small touch.

He sighed, it may not be a big problem in the grand scheme of things, but that didn't matter. He didn't want to go. He didn't want to deal with this anymore. He wanted the answer to his stupid question! He wanted to figure out how to deal with Matt's return and how to repair their relationship. And, he wanted Trent and Aiden to leave him _alone_!

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 **Next Chapter on September 7**

 **Reviews are appreciated!**


	2. Adjustment

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Digimon nor do I claim to. This is purely fanmade and I am not making any profit off of it. I own nothing here except the storyline.

 **Authors Note:** Last time I wrote this story I tried to keep the chapters a certain length. But I've learned when I do that, all I get is filler. So the chapters will probably have a bit of inconsistency regarding length. I don't expect this gap to be huge, but just in case, here's a warning.

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 **Monday, February 22**

 **Matt**

His head was down, and his second step was always shorter than the first. He was playing the game everyone played at one point, where you don't step on the cracks on the sidewalk, he guessed. He wasn't making it obvious he was doing it, but after watching him for a minute, it because obvious to Matt.

He usually walked to school alone, or occasionally ran into Tai. But now that he was walking with TK and it was so painfully awkward. They still had yet to say a word to each other. He inwardly sighed glancing away from him.

They only lived a few blocks away. Further than his father's apartment had been. He wondered how they hadn't seen each other in school, considering the High School and Middle School were combined.

They arrived at school not that long after. It was a white building with windows lining the two floors. Students were already filing in. He tightened his grip on his backpack.

He would have said goodbye but he got the sense that it would have just made things even more awkward if that was even possible. Matt walked to the High School, it now occurred to him that this was one of the only times he was here on a Monday. Tai was going to get a kick out of this one.

He made his way to his locker to put his stuff away. And everything felt normal again. Besides being there on a Monday, but he didn't think about that. He was just glad everything was going as usual. If his home life was going to change a ton, he had the comfort that school wouldn't.

"Hey, Matt!" Matt turned. Tai and Mimi walked up to him. He offered a small and shy wave. Then returned to sorting out his stuff. They stood next to him in a matter of seconds. "Didn't think we'd see you today," Tai stated.

Matt shrugged. "Things happen." He shut his locker and started to walk away. Tai had his arms crossed while Mimi glanced around. Matt bit his lip.

"Is everything okay?" Tai asked raising an eyebrow. Matt looked at the floor and nodded. With that, he walked away but stopped a couple of paces away. He glanced behind him, and he felt Mimi and Tai watching him.

He sighed and turned around. "You want an explanation, don't you?"

Tai shrugged and exchanged glances with Mimi. "I'm glad you're here and all, you just seem off. We're both just worried," Mimi said.

Matt stayed quiet for a minute, watching Tai and Mimi. Tai had anticipation etching across his features. He stood still, Matt couldn't see him fidgeting at all. Mimi, on the other hand, was playing with the bottom of her skirt and was glancing between the two nervously. Matt looked down at his shoes.

"It's a long story."

"You can tell us when we walk home," Tai suggested. Mimi nudged his arm and then he looked nervously at his hands. Matt could tell by the way he tensed up he realized it sounded somewhat insensitive. "If you want to."

Matt bit his lip again. Now he was debating between 'I'd rather not' or telling them he was in a new apartment and just _not_ give the reason. But then again, if he did that, that would just bring up new questions.

He sighed. "I'd rather not." Tai nodded and walked up to him, his previous guilt vanishing and his typical hyperactivity came back.

"Alright, then let's get to class!"

Matt sighed again. Mimi walked up behind him and offered him a small smile. He shifted his weight and then followed reluctantly behind them, lost in his thoughts.

What if they thought of him differently now? He didn't want to be identified as 'Matt Ishdia: the kid who was neglected by his father."

The kid who wasn't _good_ enough for his father, some would think. Though he was one of the people who thought that, but the entire school didn't need to know. He felt weird with anyone knowing it, doctors, his mom, TK, the school which would be informed. Maybe they wouldn't. He had no idea.

The only person that knew was Sora. And well, that didn't work out so well. She was gone- dead- not dead Mimi would have corrected. _Sleeping_. Trying to put light on the situation he guessed. They didn't know if she would be the same if- _when_ \- she woke up. Mimi would have turned around and pointed at him when she said it. It was just how she was.

Sora has fallen into a coma four months ago. After falling from the third floor of his apartment. Matt balled his hands into fists and clenched his fists, his knuckles turning a pale white color.

" _I thought I told you not to talk to anyone!"_

" _I'm sorry," he whispered. "We're partners, that's all I swear!"_

" _I don't want your excuses, Matthew!"_

" _No, really that's all that's going on," Sora interjected._

 _He turned to her, Matt flinched. He was ready to jump back and protect her. He wouldn't let his father hurt her, she didn't deserve it!_

" _I don't recall asking you for an opinion, little girl!" he snapped._

" _Dad, please. Listen to her!"_

 _He whipped around to hit Matt, Sora grabbed his arm and tried to pull him back. Hiroaki turned back around and pushed Sora away from him. She tried to steady herself, but the amount of force the older man had on her pushed her back. In a matter of seconds, Sora fell over the railing._

"Matt?" He looked up, snapped out of his thoughts. He wiped his eyes quickly, getting rid of the fresh tears he hadn't even noticed. He bit his lip, looking away from the concerned looks of his friends.

"Sorry," he mumbled. His lip quivered, and he bit it in a pathetic attempt to make it stop. Mimi walked over to him and gave him a small hug, Matt tensed up at the sudden contact. Tai came over and put a hand on his shoulder, and he relaxed for a minute trying his best to keep his tears at bay. But it didn't work that well.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tai asked quietly. Matt shook his head pushing away from Mimi.

"No, I'm okay." He made eye contact with Tai. He wiped his tears away and took a shaky breath. "I'm just dealing with a lot."

Tai nodded. "We should get to class." Mimi and Matt nodded. He started to walk away with Mimi, but Tai trailed behind. "Oh, and Matt." He turned around to face him, Tai looked up from the floor, and the two made eye contact. "I'm here if you need me." He motioned to Mimi. "We both are."

Matt smiled weakly. "Thanks, Tai. It means a lot."

He couldn't eat, it wouldn't be right, he didn't earn it!

They all sat next to each other for dinner, but Matt couldn't bring himself to eat. The only time he ever got food was when he did something good, or when he had to steal it because he hadn't in a while- usually a week when he resorted to that. He couldn't buy anything at school because he didn't have any money, and his friends would try to offer him something but he couldn't accept. He always lied and said he wasn't hungry.

He couldn't just eat something when he did nothing to earn it! It wasn't right. He glanced over at TK who still hadn't said anything. He was looking away from Matt, so he couldn't guess what he was thinking, but one thing was for sure. He could tell by how slow he was eating that he wasn't hungry.

Matt bit his lip, he couldn't figure him out. He was always good at reading people, taking a relatively good guess at what they were thinking. He was always studying people's body language, that way he knew if they were mad at him, and possibly going to hit him. He knew every time his father clenched his jaw he was about to be beaten, and the majority of the time clenching his fists meant he was going in the closet.

But with TK, he just seemed still. Like he was hiding something from everyone, or at least from him. Usually, Matt was able to identify three key things someone did in just a couple of minutes, but the only thing he knew about TK was he bit his lip a lot. He wasn't sure what that meant, or if he was conscious of it, but he strived to learn. He knew a lot of things about what he'd do when he was younger, small little tendencies that everyone had. But now, nothing.

TK looked up at their mom. Then he looked down biting his lip again. Maybe it was just nerves. He didn't know, but that was his guess.

"Can I be excused?" he asked quietly. Matt glanced over at him this had been the first time he heard him talk. He could tell something was wrong by how shaky he sounded. He glanced over at his mom, who he guessed got the same message by her expression. She nodded slowly.

"Yeah, go ahead."

TK nodded saying a small thank you and made his to the bathroom. The atmosphere shifted, with TK out of the room he felt a little less uncomfortable- though it pained him to say it. But he knew he could trust Nancy. He didn't have a huge amount of trust in her, but he knew enough that she cared. TK, he wasn't sure.

"Matt?" He looked up. Nancy motioned to his plate. "You should eat something."

He tensed up shrinking away from her. "I-" he cut himself off. His heart started racing, pounding against his chest like it was trying to escape from its rib-cage prison. He winced, panicking quickly. She was _telling_ him to eat, the way she said it implied she wanted him to, so by not doing it he was disobeying her!

But at the same time, he didn't _do_ anything! He didn't earn it, he couldn't just accept it without having some sort of reason! It wasn't right, and he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Matt let out a small breath then shook his head. "I can't," he choked out. Nancy stood up and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. She tried to reassure him that he could, but he couldn't. And he couldn't bring himself to say why memories flashed through his head. Memories of him being told he wasn't good enough for food, that he didn't deserve it. Mistakes don't get rewarded, and neither does a disappointment.

And according to his father, he was both of those things.

 **TK**

 _Awkward. Uncomfortable. Unbearable._

TK bounced between the three words, trying to decide which one was the best to describe the situation. He kept his eyes glued to the sidewalk, looking up would put him in danger of making eye contact with Matt. And that's crossing over into social activity, which TK was not good at.

Like, at _all_.

 _Awkward_ would be the obvious choice, the one his English teachers would disapprove of because it's too boring or predictable. In this instance, it meant there was a slight embarrassment or inconvenience- according to the dictionary that is. TK didn't feel embarrassed, so uncomfortable was the better choice, he decided. By the word definition at least. Though, _unbearable_ was a bonus option.

The walk was so uncomfortable that it was unbearable.

No, that's too wordy. It became too hard to read that it almost didn't seem to make sense. It would have gotten a note in red pen by a teacher. TK concluded that this time, less was better.

The walk was uncomfortable. _That's_ how he'd describe it. Long story short, it was the worst walk to school he had ever had the displeasure to endure.

Now, was _that_ too wordy?

He didn't get the chance to figure that out. He looked up, and they were at school. Neither one of the two said goodbye and just walked in opposite directions. TK looked toward the middle school door like it was the entrance to hell. Because it was.

 _I'm not going to take it today,_ he thought. He took a few courageous steps while he walked to his locker and opened it. He said that every day, and it never worked. But today was different, he could feel it!

And then his locker slammed shut.

"Hey, nerd." TK put his combo back in and opened his locker again, but it just slammed shut again the corner catching his finger and scratching it. TK winced and turned to the perpetrator.

"What do you want, Aiden?" he snapped. Aiden was another seventh-grader who was only a couple inches taller than TK. He had small teardrop-shaped eyes, which were a light brown. His hair was a pale copper color with subtle curls, making it look shorter than it was. He had pale skin which was dotted with freckles, and his head was a kind of oval shape, but his hairline made that less noticeable,

Just looking at him you could tell he was a leader, set to become captain of the soccer team right behind Tai. He was the type you didn't mess with, if you did, well, you're screwed. Did he have redeeming qualities? He didn't know, and he didn't care. He'd rather never know and have him walk out of his life forever.

Aiden rolled his eyes. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

 _Someone._ TK noted. He made it a habit not to say his name, it wasn't worth his time. Guys like him didn't waste their time with the inferior, even if they were the only one who had that opinion about the person in question.

TK was genuinely liked by the people in his grade. He wasn't really on anyone's bad side. He was the kid that everyone knew, and didn't have a problem with, but didn't acknowledge all that much. Typical shy kid material.

He was more noticed when he was on the basketball team, but he quit a week into the season because of Trent and Aiden- Trent was Aiden's friend, who also found it fun to target him. But he wasn't the main offender, he just kind of followed. He wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse, but he took it as a blessing.

TK went back to his locker, maybe if he ignored him he'd go away. After all, it's better not to give them a reaction, right? Aiden grabbed his wrist while he was putting in his combo. TK tensed up and looked at the ground, ignoring the pain that came with it. He was somewhat okay with it. The only thing he had to do was pray his cuts didn't start bleeding.

"You should listen when people talk to you, it's _polite_ ," he sneered.

TK bit his lip and didn't reply. Aiden tightened his grip, he stared at the floor accepting that Aiden had the power here. He would have tried to pull away, but he knew it was useless. He'd just get back at him later. Accept how bad it is now, and it might not get worse later. That was his philosophy.

But it always got worse. He got used to keeping an eye on him- _them_ wherever he went, that way he knew when it was coming. He couldn't stop it. But that didn't matter because he would never be able to stop it. They'd keep coming back, he was never safe until he got home, and even then, the invention of chat rooms, cellphones, and MySpace got rid of that.

If it wasn't for that, he still wouldn't be safe. His self-hatred was the biggest danger he had. After all the lies- though he didn't think they were lies- he was fed, he started to believe everything he ever did was wrong and he had to be punished for it. But that wasn't the only reason, it soon became a coping mechanism. A way to control the pain he was feeling because he couldn't do that anywhere else.

Aiden let go of his wrist and pushed him into the lockers while he walked away saying something about having to go to class. TK took a second to calm his breathing, the strong stinging feeling in his wrist distracted him for a minute, then he sighed turning back to his locker.

He opened it up, half expecting it to slam shut again. But it didn't, surprisingly. He started to grab his stuff for class when he heard footsteps behind him. He tensed up immediately.

"Hey." He looked over his shoulder and relaxed seeing that it was Davis. He probably should have guessed by his voice, but he ignored that. "Are you okay?"

TK shut his locker and turned to him. "Fine, why?"

He shrugged. "When I got over here you looked shaky. Maybe it was my imagination."

"Maybe." TK started to walk away, Davis caught up to him.

"What do you mean maybe? It's a yes or no question!"

"No."

"No you're not okay, or no you're not shaky?"

TK stopped outside the classroom door and made eye-contact with Davis. "I'm fine," he reassured. "No need to be so paranoid." He walked into class and Davis rolled his eyes playfully trailing behind him.  
"Just making sure."

 _Guilt_.

He couldn't help it. No matter which choice he made here he'd look like an ass. He could either not eat and make his mom worried, or eat in front of Matt. And he couldn't imagine how that was making him feel. It's not like he was hungry, but he forced himself to eat like he always did. He just didn't feel like eating.

But he couldn't help but feel Matt's distress, everyone's distress. TK wished he wasn't there, that way their mom could focus on helping Matt recover and not have a screw-up brother get in the way. He bit his lip and looked away.

It would have been better, maybe even then, Matt would have been with Nancy in the first place and none of this would have happened. TK was raised by his mom because she spent more time at home then their father had, and as a toddler that's not the best. Matt deserved better, and it was because of him he didn't get that.

He hated that he was here, screwing things up for everyone else.

TK glanced up at his mother, then back down. The hardest part of socializing, for him at least, was starting the conversation and saying the wrong thing, at any time really. TK bit his lip, then mustered up a little courage.

"Can I be excused?"

He hoped he didn't sound too anxious, making a cause for concern when he shouldn't be the focus of it. It was healthy to know when you shouldn't ask for help if someone else needs it more.

Right? He didn't matter anyway.

"Yeah, go ahead," Nancy replied.

He nodded. "Thank you."

He got up and made his way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him he leaned up against it and let out a small- quiet- sob. He buried his head in his hands and paced around the bathroom trying to steady his breathing.

 _Don't make a noise and bring attention to yourself_!

He put his hands on his head, according to his basketball coach it opened up your lungs and helped you breathe. TK wouldn't have minded if he couldn't. For a while, he's just been going through the motions. But he wasn't about to die and cause people stress. He knew some people cared about him, but he just burdened them.

TK opened the bathroom cabinet and found a razor blade. He set it down on the sink. Taking a few steady breaths. If he couldn't win over his thoughts, he'd distract himself from them. He rolled up his left sleeve, cuts ran down his entire forearm, but that still wasn't enough for him! Why wasn't he hurting as much as the people around him who deserved better?  
He shook his head and picked up the blade, pressing it to his skin a bit harder than he expected. He muffled a cry of pain and continued the cut. He dropped it back on the sink when he was done. Blood poured down his arm now, the pain successfully distracting him. He felt the warmth of it somewhat comforting, like a really dangerous security blanket. He bit his lip, closed his eyes and started to cry a little bit more.

He didn't know why, maybe it was from the pain, frustration, or the guilt that still plagued his mind like a dark cloud in a clear sky. He was so tired of everything, he wanted to get out of there! Whether it was the world or the dark corners of his mind that brought him there, he didn't know.

Maybe subconsciously he was frustrated with how he kept mutilating himself, treating his life and body like it didn't matter because he felt it didn't!

His life was consistently in the hands of this inanimate mental object, because once he went too far he went too far, and he couldn't stop it. He wanted to be happy, he knew that. But the small demons in his head kept him from that. Or thinking he even deserved it.

* * *

 **Question:** Does anyone know TK's age? It says he's seven in Adventure, and twelve in 02. But Matt is eleven in Adventure and fourteen in 02. Their age gap makes no sense and I'm confused. For this story, I'm going off the 02 ages, but for future reference, I have no clue what I'm doing.


	3. Safety in Harm

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Digimon nor do I claim to. This is purely fan-made and I am not making any profit off of it. I own nothing here except the storyline.

* * *

 **Tuesday, February 23.**

 **Matt**

She was back. He didn't think about it, how, why, when. But she was back. He found himself in the cafeteria, the only ones there were Tai, Mimi, and Sora. It was dark all around them, and a spotlight shone on them.

He made his way through the darkness, ecstatic, he could see Sora again. His heart pounded in his chest, for the first time in a while, something was going right! He looked at the group, they were all sitting next to each other. Their mouths were moving, but he couldn't hear them. Maybe he was too far away.

Suddenly, there was a bunch of laughter around him, the whole cafeteria had lighten up, and everyone was visibly laughing at him. His breath caught in his chest. He looked to his friends for help, or even validation that it wasn't him they were laughing at. The just shrugged and went back to talking. The laughing got louder, and their voices seemed to go on a speaker.

Tai laughed. "I can't believe I was ever friends with him!"

Mimi nodded and Sora spoke up. "Me too, I mean, what happened to me was _his_ fault."

"I can't believe I have a brother like him," TK said shaking his head. Matt turned around to where he was standing with their mom. He took a shuddering breath and tried to defend himself, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he fell to the ground. He covered his ears with his hands, insults being slung at him one after another.

Chest wrenching sobs escaped his lips. He was gasping for air without even realizing it. His whole body trembled. Mocking laughs came from the crowd, he shut his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He curled up into a little ball, the insults drowning him. He shut his eyes waiting for them to stop.

"Get up," a deep voice said. Matt's eyes shot open as he looked up, his eyes wide as saucers. His stood above him, he cowered. He shook his head. "You're such a disappointment." He started to walk away, but as he had he turned around and started to kick him…

Matt's eyes shot open, and he breathed heavily. His eyes darted around the room, and he shut his eyes again.

 _Just a dream_ , he thought. He opened his eyes again to the sound of the door opening. His mother walked into the room.

"Matt?"

He bit his lip and looked away, tears pricking his eyes. Nancy sat at the foot of his bed and placed a hand on his knee. Matt trembled, clutching the blanket in his hands. His heart pounded against his chest, ready to break out any second.

He shut his eyes, and tried to push his feelings down, lock then into his heart where they'd still. Where they couldn't be used against him, to hurt him. Memories flooded through his head, beatings, neglect, the _words_. Those were what hurt the most. His father made it obvious he didn't love him, that he was unlovable.

He choked on a sob, and brought his knees to his chest, sobbing into them. He couldn't stop himself, even if he tried. He traced a small scar on his upper arm. His chest tightened, and the huge lump in his throat made it hard to breathe.

"Matt." He didn't reply. He kept his gaze down on the bed. "Matt." He took a shuddering breath and looked up. She placed a hand on her shoulder, and he shut his eyes again and leaned on her without realizing he was doing it. She traced circles on his back, whispering comforting words.

After a while, Matt let himself relax. Remembering it was a dream, and deep down he knew his friends would never say something like that about him. Slowly, he started to come to terms with the idea that as of right now he was relatively safe.

Safe.

The word itself was comforting. It was so soft, no hard letters making it sound intimidating. _Safe_. He took a deep breath and let himself relax a little. He felt small chills go up his spine, but not the scary kind. It was like some force came and lifted the fear off of him. Without realizing it, he shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Matt fidgeted with his pencil while the teacher continued to talk. He couldn't seem to concentrate. He sighed and glanced over at Tai who was looking at a math problem like it had killed someone. Matt took it as he couldn't understand it. Matt sighed and looked down at his own paper, then back up to the board where his teacher was going over questions they were supposed to have done. Matt didn't do them.

He instead wrote down what he was writing. X equals something for some strange reason. Because _math_. Matt sighed, unable to concentrate. He continued to twirl his pencil in his hands. He couldn't get a handle on the situation. Matt was always good at blocking stuff out. Pushing the closet out of his mind for the six hours he was in school. But now, he couldn't.

He couldn't stop thinking about TK. It seemed like he hated him, and Matt couldn't figure out why. Sure, he thought of himself intolerable in general but TK barely knew him so how could he hate him already?

 _Maybe because I intruded in on his life_ , Matt thought grimly. Why else would he? Matt came in and just changed his life in an instant. It made sense. Maybe TK liked being an only child and didn't want Matt to be there. He bit his lip. He was screwing things up for people just by _existing_.

He inwardly sighed. He almost asked to leave to go to the bathroom so he could think but got too scared to ask. Matt shook his head quickly and he tried to pay attention. Keyword, he _tried_. It didn't work. Matt's chest tight tightened and tears pricked at his eyes. There was nothing he could do to fix this.

He didn't want TK to hate him. Before when TK was in the back of his mind he had the comfort that any few memories TK had of him were somewhat okay. But even then he had no validation that he didn't hate him. He bit his lip to keep it from quivering. His heart pounded in his chest and he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

TK's eyes would light up when Matt walked over to him. When their parents were arguing his crying would slow whenever Matt hugged him. He clung to him, never wanted him to leave for school and would run up and hug him as soon as he got home. Then he'd work on his homework while TK would sit and watch him like what he was doing was amazing.

Matt shook the memories out of his head. He had been good enough for TK once upon a time. And now, he knew he wasn't. He wasn't as strong as he used to be. He wasn't a role model, and TK was older and knew he wasn't invincible.

He was nothing like he used to be.

He'd be the one to help TK through the arguments. Now _he_ was the one who needed the help. And it seemed like he didn't want to help him. Maybe he felt that he shouldn't need help. He was the older one. TK should be getting comfort, not him. Matt felt his gaze harden, tears started to clear up.

Did he just not care? He bawled his hand into white-knuckled fists. Was he just being selfish? Why didn't he want him there? It wasn't fair! Matt loved him just the same! And he wasn't about to cling to TK. But it would have been nice knowing he was there. Instead, TK pulled away. He just didn't care. Matt sighed.

 _No_. He thought. _You don't know that. Just ask him._ He glanced back at the clock. In a few more minutes he'd confront him. Find out what it was that he wanted from him. Why he wasn't there for him like he had been. Even if it was so long ago. He had to remember some of it, right?

But if he did, why did he continue to treat Matt like this? It just didn't make sense. Then again, TK wasn't the same kid that he was seven years ago. What if he resented him for leaving? But that wasn't his fault! He was young though, maybe he didn't know.

The bell rang, and Matt made the spontaneous decision that he needed answers. Now. As soon as he could get them. He stood up and got his things together. He was about to walk out until he heard Tai call his name.

Matt turned to him. "Yeah?"

Tai looked down sheepishly. "I wasn't paying attention. Did you get the notes?"

Matt shook his head a ping shooting through his chest. Tai always went to him, and now his selfish lack of attention was going to hurt him. He bit his lip and mumbled an apology before turning to leave the room.

"Matt, wait!" Tai called. He cringed and turned back around. He shrugged. "There's no need to apologize, I should have been paying attention."

Matt nodded. "Thanks, Tai."

Matt turned and left the classroom. Tai had a study hall in there right after so he didn't have to leave. Matt kept his head down and turned the corner, with luck he saw TK by his locker.

He sighed and made his way over there. TK was reading something but he didn't pay any attention.

"Hey," he said quietly.

TK jumped slightly and shut the paper and threw it in his locker then he shut it. He turned to Matt, and he could have sworn he looked a little pale. TK glanced at the ground.

"Hey, yourself," he mumbled. Matt cringed again. Then he realized he had no idea what he wanted to say. He stumbled over the next couple of words, then sighed.

"Do you hate me?"

TK looked up with wide eyes, then shook his head. "No! Of course not." He looked back down. "Why would I?"

"I-I don't know. I just." He sighed again. "You don't talk much, do you think I intruded or something?"

"No, it's nothing like that, honest!" He bit his lip. "I just didn't know what to say."

"Because you didn't want to say anything," Matt whispered.

TK looked up again, clearly hurt. This for some reason made Matt mad. TK shook his head. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but closed it again and bit his lip.

"It's nothing like that," he said quietly. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

Matt shook his head. "Save it." He walked away, he heard Matt called his name but he ignored it, holding back tears that didn't need to be there. He quickly turned the corner and made his way into his next class. He sat down and took a shaky breath.

After a minute the bell rang and the teacher started talking. He sighed and tried to push what just happened out of his mind. TK didn't want him there, did he? He was just defending himself!

He tried to feel angry like he had before. But now, it was replaced by guilt. Even if he didn't want him there, he looked so hurt. And he was the reason. He bit his lip.

What the hell did he just do?

 **TK**

He winced as his back hit the wall. Aiden scowled then grabbed him by his hair and threw him to the ground. TK stumbled back up, Trent looked back at the door then back to them. Aiden clenched his fists and hit him to the ground again.

"You think it's funny, don't you? Screwing things up for everyone else," he said. TK looked down, deciding not saying anything would be the best option.

"Aiden, let's go," Trent said motioning to the door.

He scoffed. "Why? You scared we're gonna get caught?" he asked turning around. He looked back at TK. "Little shit won't tell anybody. He knows better."

Trent shrugged. "Let's not waste our time. We have algebra next and Mrs. Becker won't be happy if you're late again."

Aiden sighed. "I guess you're right. Let's go." With that, they made their way out of the bathroom. Once they left TK seemed it safe to stand up and grab his stuff that had been scattered across the floor. Then he left the room and made his way to his class.

He saw Aiden slip a paper in it his locker then walk away. He sighed and shook his head and walked towards it deciding to confront it while he was thinking about it. He put in his combo and opened it and took out the piece of paper.

 _You're lucky Trent is such a goody-two-shoes._

\- _Aiden_

He sighed and fought off his shaking, he knew this was his version of a threat, and that he should be expecting something soon.

"Hey." TK jumped and threw the paper back into his locker and shut it. He turned around to see Matt standing behind him. He stumbled over his couple of words, but then he sighed.

"Do you hate me?"

He looked up quickly. _That_ caught him off guard.

"No! Of course not." He looked back down. "Why would I?"

"I-I don't know. I just." He sighed again. "You don't talk much, do you think I intruded or something?"

A ping shot through his chest. Had he made Matt feel unwanted because of how he was acting? He just didn't know what to say! He felt so _stupid_. Of _course_ , Matt would feel that way, that's exactly what his father did to him!

"No, it's nothing like that, honest!" He bit his lip. "I just didn't know what to say."

"Because you didn't want to say anything," Matt whispered.

TK looked up at him, shocked. What did he do to him? He tried to say something but then realized he didn't know what to say.

"It's nothing like that. I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

Matt shook his head. "Save it." Matt walked away.

"Matt!" he called. How was he going to make this right? There was no way he was going to be able to! He ended up doing more harm than good, and now Matt was even more upset! He looked up as Davis walks up to him.

"Are you okay? I saw what happened." TK shook his head rapidly as tears welled in his eyes. Davis put a hand on his shoulder and walked him over to the bathroom so nobody looked at them. As soon as they got in there he pulled TK into a hug. "It's not your fault he feels that way, you didn't mean it."

"Yeah, but _I_ made him feel that way! It's all my fault!"

"Don't blame yourself. He's still adjusting, maybe he just doesn't get that you're quiet," Davis shrugged. TK looked down at the floor, there was a big green square in the middle, smaller white ones surrounding it on the outside. The stalls were green too, and luckily nobody else was in there so TK didn't feel as pathetic.

"I haven't said anything to him," TK said regretfully pulling away. "I was trying to figure out what to say because I didn't want to say something and make him feel worse. Guess it didn't work."

Davis put a hand on his shoulder. "But he's only been there for a few days, give him time. Besides, me and Jun fight all the time, it happens it'll be fine."

"Yeah, but." TK sighed and turned to the sink.

 _This is why I shouldn't be here. I screw everything up. It's going to be even harder for Matt now that you've made him feel like this. He grew up thinking he was unwanted and now you add to that!_

"Wow, you didn't even correct me. You must _really_ be upset," Davis joked.

TK rolled his eyes and let out a tearful laugh. "Did you purposely screw that up?"

"Had to see how upset you really were," Davis said standing next to him. He could see their reflections in his peripheral view.

"Jun and I," TK said rolling his eyes.

"I and Jun." The two boys laughed for a minute then Davis motioned to the door. "Come on, let's go to class." TK nodded and followed him out and the two grabbed their stuff and walked to English.

TK tried to ignore Aiden's staring, it didn't work.

He quietly shut the door behind him and stood there or a minute. He sighed and walked over to his dresser. He opened the top drawer and tensed up when he saw the scissors. Maybe he shouldn't be doing this.

" _Because you didn't want to say anything."_

He shuddered. A sudden temptation creeping up his spine. He felt cold, confused. He stood there for a while, and for some reason, he just felt _tired_. His hands started to shake without him even noticing and he blinked away a few tears. Then he put a hand on his arm, barely acknowledging the stinging.

How did he even get to this point? What led him here? This wasn't normal, that was for sure. If it was normal he wouldn't have to worry about people noticing all the time. But then again, what about this made it abnormal? The fact he wanted to hurt himself, or the fact he was doing it? Or was it that he was living with this problem for so long?

He took a shaky breath. Did it even matter? TK shut his eyes, they suddenly felt heavy and he got a bit lightheaded. When he opened them again, the gray metal stared him in the face.

Did it even matter if it was normal? After all, making everyone's life miserable wasn't normal. He picked up the scissors, examining the blue handle. Feeling the need to hide such an ordinary object definitely wasn't normal either. He traced the metal ends of the scissors, well aware of how idiotic he looked right now.

He traced over the edge. He wasn't sure why he was doing it, he never hesitated to cut like this. Did he want this? Did it even matter what he wanted? He shook his head.

" _It's not your fault he feels that way, you didn't mean it."_

But it was his fault, even if Davis didn't say it. Everything was his fault, right? There really wasn't a limit on how much trouble someone could cause, was there? Though it wasn't deliberate, he still did it. Right?

He glanced over his shoulder and waited for a minute making sure nobody was coming in. Then he shut the door and sat down on the floor, looking at the scissors. It's like they were mocking him. Books he read would have said that he was "watching them, like- any typical hunting animal- would watch its prey."

But who was the hunter in this situation? Was it the scissors, or him? Or was he the prey? Was he in some way both? He bit his lip, how was an inanimate object making him question things like this? He was used to this. _He_ was the one who put the metal to his skin made the cut, and _he_ was the one who felt the pain.

But _why_?

He looked back at the door one more time and then sighed. It didn't matter why. It's just how it was. How it had been for so long, and he didn't want it to change. Everything else was changing around him, at least he had this. He didn't know how much Matt's words could hurt, or how much Trent and Aiden's actions would affect him. But he knew how much this would hurt. And he knew _when_ it would hurt, and in a weird way, he valued it. This was something nobody could take from him.

With one final sigh, he rolled his right sleeve up, placed the metal to his wrist, and cut.

* * *

 **Authors note:** I'm alive! I can't promise regular updates on this story, because I'm honestly really over it. If I post every Friday I'll be done by February, but again I won't promise that. It's just hard to write a story you don't want to write. But I'll use that to drive me to finish it. I refuse not to finish it because then I feel like I'm leaving a message that things won't get better. And yes, sometimes things sadly don't. But that's not the message I want to send. So, no matter what I'll finish it.

Will there be stories in between this? Probably. I hope you guys can forgive me and my lack of persistence. So sorry about this.


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